Barflies
by Vietta
Summary: Reno's shoddy attempts at getting Vincent to go home with him always fail, but this time his plan seems foolproof! Fic for Smileysheart.


**Author's Note: This story is for Smiley's Heart for guessing the right name of the silver-haired vampire I added to my story A Horse Drawn Cage. Hopefully this Vinnie/Reno is to your liking and doesn't suck. I've never written a story with Vincent in it before but hopefully I didn't fail at this. I have a feeling I did, but there's always the hope that I didn't.**

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Reno wobbled theatrically as he downed the glass of what everyone else thought was vodka, but was really plain water. How he had gotten Tifa in on his plan he didn't know, but so far it was working. Everyone was absolutely convinced he was drunk and the loud argument he was having with Barret over Rude's head was only making his act more convincing.

The entire night was a complete façade except for one part of it. He was doing this so that he could get alone time with the red and black clad man standing moodily in the corner, the same man who he had been making drunken advances on every Friday night for the past month and a half. Sometimes he even tried on Saturday nights. Every time he was drunk and Vincent was less than interested, although lately the reclusive man's resolve against him seemed to be breaking. When Reno wasn't trying to get Vincent's attention drunk, he was trying to get his attention sober. Reno hardly got Vincent's attention either way.

Reno slammed the glass on the table and simpered at Tifa for another drink which she gave him with a sly wink. Reno didn't know if she was going along with his plan because she liked him and wanted him happy, or if it was because he had promised her he would get Rude to get his act together and ask her out. He was pretty sure it was probably the second reason.

Vincent was watching the scene with what might have been mild interest as Reno downed another glass of water. Vincent knew it was water, he wasn't an idiot and even if he was he would know it was water because Tifa had told him so. The barmaid had been begging him to let loose and at least spend some time with the obnoxious red-head, which he had done at the added urging of Chaos.

Reno giggled as Rude slunk away with a small grunt in his direction, much to Tifa's chagrin. The woman gave Reno a glare and Reno quickly jerked his head towards Barret as the large, drunk man yelled obscene comments about what Reno's mother must've looked like. Reno wasn't really upset by the comments, he never knew his mother, but Rude had taken personal offense when Barret started growling racial slurs. Rude's departure was for Barret's safety.

Reno sniggered and gave a slurred and unintelligible retort as Tifa refilled his glass with a small frown. Why Barret took offense to Reno's nonsensical and disjointed, barely English slurs made no sense, but Reno was glad he was sober when a beefy fist flew towards his face. He hadn't been expecting Barret to pick a fight with him, but he had gone along with it in the hopes that it would give Tifa an excuse to make Vincent take him home sooner. Now that Barret was throwing punches Reno's drunken charade was in danger of being uncovered.

Reno ducked and swayed on the barstool as Barret tried to stagger upright. It wasn't really fair for him to be playing mind games with a drunk man when he was sober, but so long as he won nothing would matter. Reno was forced to fall off the stool as Barret kicked at the legs and he landed with a thud, the glass in his hand shattering as it dropped to the floor beside him. Reno wasn't sure what was sloshing through Barret's obviously inebriated head, but he wasn't sure he wanted to find out as Barret started advancing towards him.

Vincent perked up when Barret started getting violent, confused as to what Reno had truly done to encourage the violence. His last retort had been anything but offensive, it hadn't even been in a known language. Chaos was itching to tear Barret apart as the large man forced Reno to the floor and that confused Vincent even more. He decided that he would have to pester his demon about it at a more opportune time, however, because at the moment Barret had his foot poised to smash a very important part of Reno's anatomy.

Reno paled as Barret's foot sped towards him and he silently said goodbye to any grandchildren he might have had as he squinched his eyes shut. He held his breath and waited for pain when he felt hands reach under his arms and drag him backwards and out of harm's way. Reno's eyes shot open as Barret's foot slammed through the floor of the bar, inches away from his groin.

Vincent frowned at Barret as he pulled Reno away from the angry, drunk man's stomping foot. Tifa quickly hopped over the bar and grabbed Barret by the ear, the large man whimpering pathetically in pain as she dragged him to the sink and shoved his head under cold tap water. He could feel Reno trembling violently and sighed as the red-head turned a shade of green he had never seen before.

The patrons of the bar laughed and jeered as Barret sputtered and cursed from the sink as Tifa forced him to stay under the freezing deluge of water. Vincent couldn't help but feel embarrassed for the man as he screamed gurgling insults at the woman holding his head down and the other patrons of the bar, most specifically the red-headed demon whose balls needed a good squashing.

Reno could feel fear inspired bile rising in his throat as he clamped his legs together to protect his precious manhood and stared at the hole in the floor that, if not for Vincent, would contain his baby-maker. He could feel Vincent's metal claw poking through the fabric of his sleeve and blushed as he realized that the man was still holding him. He shook and tried to dislodge himself from Vincent's grasp but his fear-blanked mind wasn't sending the right signals and made him slump against Vincent instead of away from him.

Vincent raised an eyebrow as Reno sat back against him weakly, his entire body shaking violently from residual fear. Vincent couldn't blame him. The hole in the floor was a fairly good size and, if not for him, Barret would have had no chance of missing Reno's more private areas.

Tifa pulled Barret out of the water long enough for him to get a good gasping breath before shoving him back under, a frown of utter disproval etched into her face. She shot Reno a look and nearly laughed when she realized that, despite its utter ridiculousness, his plan had worked. Vincent was holding Reno gently, but the red-head didn't look like he was aware enough to enjoy his victory. His face was a sickly shade of green and she could see his body shaking in fear as she held Barret under the tap, refusing to let him out until he was sober enough to realize who he was shouting insults at.

Vincent watched with interest as Barret thrashed weakly against Tifa's hold, his powerlessness against her absolutely comical to the barflies scattered about the establishment. Vincent had to admit, there was something funny about a gigantic man unable to throw off the comparatively tiny woman holding his head down. Chaos was practically rolling with laughter.

Reno shook and listened intently to the laughter chorusing around him, trying with some difficulty to separate the low chuckle behind him from the loud guffaws echoing through his ears. He had never heard Vincent laugh before and he was fairly sure he would never hear him laugh again, so while he could he sat and listened to Vincent chuckle quietly, engraving the sound into his memory.

Tifa finally released the back of Barret's head when he stopped struggling and sat under the water in complacent confusion. She turned off the tap and shoved a towel under his face, dragging him out from beneath the faucet by his ear. Barret winced and dried his face off shakily, a look of pure horror replacing the confusion as he tried to force his alcohol heavy tongue to form understandable words. "Whad I do?'

Tifa frowned and pointed at the floor of her precious bar where Reno still cowered in Vincent's grasp. "That! You smashed a hole through my floor!"

Barret looked at the floor and then at his foot, disbelief etched onto his face. "Wow, ma foot's big!"

Tifa slapped a hand to her face and grasped Barret's ear, dragging him towards the stairs. "Vincent! Take the pest home!" She left Vincent no time to argue as she pulled a whimpering, cowering Barret upstairs to his room.

Vincent thought about protesting, but when Chaos growled at him to shut up and take the pretty pest home he found no room to protest inside his head or outside it. He sighed heavily and dragged a still trembling Reno to his feet; the man's shaking limbs so uncoordinated that he was unable to support his own weight. Vincent frowned and gave Reno a light shake. "Stand!"

Reno could have kissed Tifa when she forced Vincent to take him home because, inebriated or not, he was now completely incapable of getting their on his own. As Vincent ordered him to stand he became aware of the fact that he was shaking like a half-dead leaf in a light breeze and he tried to steady himself, leaning on the other man partly for support, and partly because he was more than a little reluctant to let go any time soon.

Vincent gave a sigh as Reno seemed determined to make things difficult, his trembling legs making him wobble pathetically. Vincent could understand Reno being more than a little shaken up by the events of the evening, but in truth he felt only a small amount of pity for him. Chaos was simply delighted when Reno's trembling hand grasped the front of Vincent's shirt tightly as he wobbled unsteadily, the action bringing the red-head closer than he already was. Vincent couldn't help but blush at the sudden onslaught of inappropriate thoughts and ideas Chaos purred greedily into his ear.

Reno felt Vincent tense up under his hand and he quickly withdrew it only to grasp it again as he began sinking to the floor. His knees refused to lock and keep him upright. "V-Vince I c-can't st-stand!"

"I noticed." Vincent tried to shake off the crude comments Chaos was making, but it was more difficult to do than usual as this time Chaos wasn't whispering, he was practically screaming.

Reno gave up on supporting his own weight and slumped heavily against Vincent. "H-help?"

Vincent blushed as the inebriated men and women around them began laughing at his predicament, their slurred chortles making the situation even more awkward. At Chaos' roaring insistence he picked Reno up and heaved him over one shoulder, unwittingly putting his rear at face level and giving Chaos and himself an unhindered view of Reno's jean-clad bottom.

Reno gave a startled yelp as he was unceremoniously hefted over Vincent's shoulder, his indignation at the move quickly disappearing as he found his face floating only inches away from Vincent's ass. He grinned happily, unable to plan the situation any better himself as Vincent carried him out of the bar and into the chill night air.

Vincent blushed as Reno giggled happily, his pleasure at being carried thus evident in the large bulge pressing into his shoulder. Vincent growled at himself, wishing he hadn't decided against wearing the cape. The tattered piece of fabric would have shielded him from Reno's undoubtedly lecherous gaze.

Chaos was humming with undisguised excitement as Vincent carted Reno to his motorcycle, the easily recognizable red vehicle shinning in the moonlight. Vincent plopped Reno onto the seat before straddling the bike himself. "Hold on."

Reno didn't need to be told twice as he shifted into a more comfortable position, namely one that pressed him directly against Vincent, before wrapping his arms around the man's waist tightly as Vincent kicked the bike to like and sped off, the lack of helmets unnoticed as they practically flew through the empty streets of Edge.

Vincent began feeling the strange urge to pull the bike to the curb and screw Reno over the side of it as warm hands trailed unbidden across his waistband. He might've done it if Chaos hadn't continued whispering devious plans into his ear that, while tempting, were completely unacceptable to put into action. Vincent put up with the hands as best as he could, repositioning them higher up his stomach at every red light only to have Reno drop them back to the front of his pants seconds later. He sighed with relief as Reno's apartment complex came into view, the sight of Rude's car letting him know that he had guessed right when picking a random direction to travel in.

Reno pouted heavily as Rude's rather dented car came into view, most of the dents caused by their uncanny ability to attract explosive devices. He didn't want to pull his hands away from the warm body he was nuzzled against, no matter how unwilling to be nuzzled Vincent was. When the motorcycle came to a shuddering stop he kept his arms wrapped tightly around Vincent.

Vincent waited patiently for Reno to get off the bike, sighing heavily when Reno squeezed him tighter. He stood and forcibly removed Reno from the back of his motorcycle, peeling clenched fingers out of his shirt with difficulty. "Up Reno. I'd like to go home."

Reno sighed and staggered to his feet, looking at the pavement. "Sure you don't want to stick around for awhile?"

Vincent smiled as Chaos purred delightful ideas at him, meeting his demon less than halfway by tilting Reno's chin up and giving him a gentle kiss before climbing on his motorcycle and speeding off before Reno could blink.

Reno stood in complete shock, listening intently as the roar of Vincent's motorcycle died with distance. He had lost sensation in every part of his body except for where Vincent had touched him, his lips tingling gently as he ran his tongue across them to try and capture the fleeting taste Vincent might've left behind.

Eventually cold convinced Reno to stagger up to the apartment he shared with Rude, his legs shaking with every step. He unlocked the door with difficulty and kicked his shoes off, nearly hitting Rude with one of them.

"Watch it red!" Rude frowned and tossed the shoe he had caught expertly back at Reno without looking; the ice pack covering his eyes and the remains of his alcohol induced buzz not affecting his aim in the slightest.

Reno dodged the flying shoe and shut the door, flopping on the couch beside Rude with a heavy sigh. Rude handed him an ice pack and he gladly accepted it, slapping it over his eyes and leaning his head back.

Rude chuckled quietly. "Well, I'm guessing he said no again?"

Reno sighed heavily. "Yeah."

Rude smiled as he handed Reno a lukewarm can of beer. "There's always next Friday."

"And the Friday after that?" Reno cracked the can open, swigging it back with a more cheerful expression.

Rude laughed and took a sip of his own beer. "And every Friday from now until you get into Vincent's pants."

Reno let his beer mingle with the taste of Vincent in his mouth, a smile permanently fixed to his face for the rest of the night.


End file.
